Know the Warning Signs of Cyberbullying

Much attention is being paid to bullying in schools, and for good reasons: children need to see school as a safe place, and efforts to create that environment are important. But many kids and teens can still be subject to taunting and trauma through cyberbullying.

Cyberbullying is defined officially as "willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computers, cell phones and other electronic devices." And while cyberbullying looks different from the schoolyard variety, it is driven by the same social and emotional dynamics. However, there are some key differences.

Cyberbullying vs. In-person Bullying

Because victims don't often know who the bully is or why they're being targeted, it's easy to cloak an identity online. This type of anonymity is toxic, and can make victims feel unsafe at any time.

Also, an attack can go viral. Large numbers of people can be involved or be aware of a cyber-slam within seconds of the attack. People send photos or forward texts and emails quickly, and including everyone in their address books means that an attack can quickly get out of control.

Another difference from in-person attacks comes in the form of insulation from a victim's reactions. It's a lot easier to say something mean online that you wouldn't say in person.

Another notable factor in cyberbullying is the permanency of digital information. Unlike an insult delivered in a school hallway, a cyber-slam doesn't go away after it's uttered. Because of the pervasiveness of digital information, it's stored online in some form, usually forever.

Signs a child might be bullied

Sometimes, children feel uncomfortable or embarrassed about telling others - particularly their parents of teachers - about cyberbullying being done against them. But there are some common signs that can help alert adults to a problem.

Unexplained injuries, such as torn clothing and bruises or scratches, can be a red flag that cyberbullying has led to in-person bullying. If the child or teen hates going out, or finds excuses to stay home, especially from activities involving peers, it can be cause for concern. Cyberbullying can make a child tense, tearful, and defensive, and cause a sudden loss of interest in favorite activities.

Another indication of cyberbullying may be the loss of friends, or no friends at all. A child who is being bullied rarely brings friends home and may not spend time at another friend's house. He or she isn't invited to parties and shows little incentive to arrange parties, often with the excuse of "nobody will come." Sometimes, the child feels like she or he isn't "good enough."

In general, a bullied child is moody and depressed, appearing unhappy or sad with unexpected mood shifts that can range from irritability to sudden outbursts of anger. There may be a change in eating habits, as well as trouble sleeping and frequent nightmares.

Tips for kids, teens and young adults

For those who are being cyberbullied, or have reason to be concerned that it might happen, there are several strategies that can help.

First, make sure that nothing is shared online that can be used against you later. That includes secrets conveyed via email or instant messaging, photos, or videos, even if they seem harmless.

If you're being cyberbullied, talk with someone you trust. Reach out to a friend, family member or adult to help you deal with problems. Keep evidence of the cyberbullying with dates, times and descriptions, including printouts or screen shots.

Drop the mouse and back away from the computer if you're attacked. Don't respond, and don't pass on attacks aimed at others.

Finally, block the person who is cyberbullying you. This means blocking on everything, including your phone and social website accounts.

Help kids be smart online (and keep your cool!)

When cyberbullying occurs, it's common to feel angry about what's happening and protective toward your children. But keeping your calm will help children to do the same, and can defuse the situation more effectively than going on the attack yourself.

Watch, listen, learn and communicate. Be aware of what your children are doing online and listen to any concerns they might have. Try to learn about the technologies they're using, and set clear rules about what's appropriate.

If you know or suspect your children are being cyberbullied, take quick action by documenting the cyberbullying and letting your kids know that bullying isn't their fault, and that together, you can work it out.

Contact law enforcement if the bullying involves criminal behavior such as violent threats, pornography or sexting, invasion of privacy, stalking or hate crimes, or extortion. Some cyberbullying activities meet the standards for civil action, which means an attorney can be brought in, but this should be a last resort.

Be persistent while remaining sensitive to your child's feelings. While an adult at home is still a kid's best bet at solving the problem, it only worked 34 percent of the time, according to a landmark study from the Youth Voice Project. So experts say do your homework before jumping to conclusions and possibly making matters worse.

Cyberbullying can be an ugly part of a childhood or high school experience, but it doesn't have to create lasting effects. With empathy, diligence, and awareness, the chances of cyberbullying can be lessened, and kids can find the online world a safe place, too.

Kosieradzki is an attorney with Sieben, Grose, Von Holtum & Carey and Lakeville resident.